I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
