her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This baby is an asshole
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
