We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
