can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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