i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
