I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
