I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In America we eat man semen.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
