cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
