upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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