she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
