How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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