I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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