I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
