What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
