Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
