It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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