had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
