She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm like, not good at living.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
