Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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