this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
