YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
