You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
