I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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