Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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