Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize