I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
