he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
