Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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