How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
