His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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