maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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