They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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