Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the day after is always just damage control
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
