Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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