oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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