You're earring is so big in my mouth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
