so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
