A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
