It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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