So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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