we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
