wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
