That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
