you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
