just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
