sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
