he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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