Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
