haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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