so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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