I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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