U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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