Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize