I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
