so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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