Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
