living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
