HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
