Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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