No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
