At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
