Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
