Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
