a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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