Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
