I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
