He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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