i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
