I cannot find my penis.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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