I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
