i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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