I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
