Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
NoShamevember. You game?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
